


Belmont Knives

by Baknami



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Fun, Gen, Making Fun of Belmonts, Short, This Might Have Secretly Been Written by Alucard, stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 13:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17705309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baknami/pseuds/Baknami
Summary: The third son of a Spanish house is married into the Belmont family to strengthen ties.  The newly "Christened" Carlos Belmont has problems adjusting to his new lifestyle.





	Belmont Knives

**Author's Note:**

> I pumped this out in like, I shit you not, 20 minutes.
> 
> You're welcome.

Carlos Belmont was of a small Spanish family far to the west of Wallachia, but his family wished to be part of the Belmont family for generations, knowing that their power over the occult was something to keep close to. Thus, they married their third son to the current heiress of the Belmont Clan, a certain Helen Belmont, and after two years of traveling by carriage, Carlos met his beautiful bride, and he was instantly smitten.

...Too bad the honeymoon season lasted all of a week, as when Helen and her little brother went out to purchase groceries, he quickly realized that _they_ were the ones going out instead of their servants. “Where are all of the maidservants?” Carlos asked, gesturing around the grand mansion as Helen's brother slid several daggers in his belt. “Where is the help to do the shopping for us? I thought the Belmonts were a high house of Wallachia!”

“First off,” Helen said as she tossed a dagger to her brother, who caught it and shoved it into his boot, “bold of you to assume a high house of Wallachia has anything other than pig slop to wallow in.” She held out her hand, and her brother slapped it so hard it left a red mark on both their palms. She then proceeded to put her hair up. “Second, we're a high house because we murder all the Night Creatures that the other high houses are too scared to. We're powerful because we can  _probably_ take over Wallachia if we wanted to.”

“Which we don't,” her brother said.

“Which we don't,” Helen agreed as she started putting up her braided hair. It was held in place by two crossed dagger sheaths, which of course had daggers tucked within. “We don't actually have any money for manservants nor maidservants. So... uhm... Talk with Auntie about how to clean up around here, because Bro and I are gunna be out a lot.”

Carlos sputtered as she slipped another dagger into either side of her bodice, just before sliding one more into her cleavage. “And another thing! Why does everyone in here have at  _ least _ thirty-nine throwing knives on them at any time!?”

“Carlos, my dear,” Helen began around the dagger in her teeth, which she then slipped into her sleeve as easily as one might slip into a bath, “have you ever seen a vampire before?”

“Well,  _ no, _ but-!”

Carlos's wife reached out and placed a finger on his lips, “Then shhhhhhshhhh. Shh. and then Shush. We're going out to get some vegetables and pork. Don't wait up!”

Carlos watched incredulously as his wife and brother-in-law headed for the stables, and he called out angrily after her, “Are you  _ actually _ going to get groceries, or are you just going to get fucking  _ fairy powder and magic beans _ to put in your horror house in the basement!?”

Helen whirled around, extending her arms and winking. “Search your feelings, husband!”

...Carlos buried his face in his hands and wept.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Baknami: UH HELP ME ENGLISH  
> What do you call a "Honeymoon" like.. time? Honeymoon season?
> 
> Friend: Uh. Yeah, 'season' is usually the word I hear for that.  
> Wedding season, honeymoon season, BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN' ALL AROUND season
> 
> Baknami: EXCUSE YOU.  
> They may need to make Trevor's great-great-grandfather or whatever at some point but THEY ARE GOING TO DO IT RESPECTFULLY.  
> Leon's ghost is probably scowling at them as they have sex, the perv.  
> Just constantly seething: "They're doing it *wrong*."
> 
> \---
> 
> SO YEAH this was dumb. We were making fun of Belmonts and I guess since I'm like one of the lead writers of stories about Belmont Ancestors (With my like, *one* fic), I figured it must be done.
> 
> Also apparently Trevor is like, at least 1/128th Spanish I guess now WOOPWOOP raise the roof!?


End file.
